I never know what to do for father’s day. Never know what to say. I’ve forgiven him for not being there when I was little, sure, but it’s still hard, trying to tell people- trying to tell myself- how great of a dad he is when he wasn’t even there. All of my memories of him were outstanding from the memories of the every day, because he wasn’t part of my every day. He wasn’t even part of my week. Not my month, not even my year, sometimes. Sure, he’d call every few months and check in, when he thought about me. There was the time he and my step mom came down to visit and took my little sister and I to the water park. The time he picked us up to take us to the mall for a mini-spree. The mall was always fun for my sister and I, since we didn’t get to go very often. Trips there were limited to holidays, mostly. Holidays and back to school shopping. But still. There was a period of something like ten years where I saw my father maybe six or seven times, for at most a week at a time. I’m twenty-one, now, living with him, and I still don’t know how to talk to him sometimes. Don’t know what to say. Even now that he’s part of my “everyday” life, there are times I see him and I’m just like ‘what the heck do I say?’
I say “everyday” because there are sometimes four or five days that we go without seeing each other, even though we live in the same house. I wake up late (noonish) and come home early (one thirty to two in the morning, on a good night, four or five on a less good one), and he wakes up early (before noon) and comes home late (ten or eleven at night on a good night, midnight on a less good one).
Our relationship is still a work in progress, maybe, but at least he’s here now, ya know? I’m grateful for that, even though I may have missed out on quite a few things with him. He didn’t teach me to ride my big-kid bike, nor how to throw, nor how to punch, but he’s here now and that’s all that I could ask him for. He’s here to talk to, when I need to talk, to hug when I need a hug, laugh
at with when I need to laugh…
And, I mean, he’s letting me live with him and use the car pretty much when I want, and he feeds me, which is nice ;p
Love ya, Daddy. <3
Happy early Father’s Day